The Midnight Fox by Betsy Byars
Just like a slice of rotten apple pie. Tom is staying with his aunt for the summer, but this city boy soon enough realises that being a lazy assed city kid is rubbish until he meets a black fox. I see foxes around all the time and seeing a black one wouldn't be enough to cheer me up about being dumped in the sticks all summer with The Waltons. But then again, I'm one of those cynical hardened city folks Betsy warns against. His aunt is called Millie and yes, she makes cookies. Betsy Byars has also written a play called 'The Computer Nut' which is Richie's new moniker.
Black Harvest by Nigel (I only remember the author's first name. The book is very Nigel)
Any drama bar 'Bugsy Malone' for young uns is dire and there is clearly a gap in the market for those that like to capitalise on education - greed can be good if it means I never have to teach this again. There are stacks of coinage to be made. Copies of this tripe are festering in school cupboards everywhere just waiting to inflict mental torture on our nation's youth. Plot summary: It's the Irish countryside and a wooly, English middle class family have embarked on a charming tadpole collecting holiday. Things go array when Prill and Oliver discover while staying at the cottage, the milk keeps turning sour and the potatoes are always rotten. Shame mum has a ban on processed foods so the kids are left starving. The rotten mystery is revealed when a couple of skeletal, Irish Potato Famine ghosts reveal themselves and lecture the kids about the bad old days of no tatties. It's up to Father O'Hagan (a character created using "How To Create An Irish Stereotype In Five Easy Steps") to put them to rest. The Irish are portrayed as good-natured simpletons while the children run about quoting Hamlet and cursing "Golly!" or "My word!". The audience are dreaming of You Tube.
The Terrible Fate of Humpty Dumpty by David Calcutt
A anti-bullying fable that is about as subtle as an elephant tiptoeing past your television. The money shot is on page 1 when hapless Terry Dumpton (or rather, Humpty Dumpty) is electrocuted to death, courtesy of a very child unfriendly pylon. He really should have listened to the old adage "Well, if they jumped off a cliff would you?". The eyeballs roll back after this catastrophic incident and everything thereafter is a massive slump. The bully is called Stubbs though and is a dab hand at throwing piddly insults about, yet, unrepentant about Terry's demise. Almost as crazy as Javier Bardem in 'No Country For Old Men'.
I found a play in the cupboard I really wanted to teach called 'Billy Liar' and several copies looked liked they had been re-drafted by Ricky from 'Trailor Park Boys'. It might ignite some interest.
